I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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