no, he came in my armpit
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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