I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
