My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
