she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
