We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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