I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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