I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
