You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
