I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
