I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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