About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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