I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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