I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
