The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
