im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
