I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
