grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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