Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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