i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
