Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
