hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Your dad touched me again.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
