my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Randomize
