He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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