i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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