I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
