The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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