Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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