Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
