it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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