what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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