the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
