I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
so much tequila, so little girl.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
