I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Randomize
