do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
