You can't special order awesome
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
