He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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