last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
