She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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