whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
