you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
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