Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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