this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
