I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
