that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
