I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
