I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
