Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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