there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
