No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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