Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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