we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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